Fall-ing

My hair blew every which way as I enveloped myself in the musty smelling, warm, worn leather seat of a cab this morning; escaping Boston's harsh, cold, wind. I was headed across town to campus. My new black satin Chanel manicure clutched my Starbucks late. The Times Style Section was folded under the arm of my pea coat. My mother's soft voice was tucked between my cheek and my shoulder as I attempted to balance my over sized bag on my other shoulder and listen to her at the same time. I teetered on high heels and almost fell over as I finally seated myself and whispered directions to the cab driver. I had a second to glance in the rear view mirror. Shit. Smudged charcoal eyeliner on my cheek bone. Life is a literal and figurative balancing act for me.

As I caught up with my mom over the phone like I do every morning, she commented on the cold. "It's freezing here and your father hasn't turned on the heat yet. It is TIGHTS weather!" Whichever way you choose to mark the season, it's here. Pumpkin spice lattes, fall fashion, turning leaves, midterms- it is inescapable. Many of us are preoccupied with work, school, family; we forget to acknowledge our well being at a time like this.

Aside from my family and best friends, one of my main anchors that reminds me of my self care is a support group endearingly named "IOL Loves." We are a group of women struggling primarily with eating disorders but anything else from depression and anxiety to OCD. We all have eating disorders and the same treatment facility in common. These women are honestly the strongest, most inspiring fighters I know.
So what does this have to do with fall? I have noticed all of my "loves," including myself, have seriously been struggling during this season of change. The season's name "Fall" is characterized by the leaves which fall from the trees. I cant help but picture all of us withering from our healthy state as lush, green, healthy leaves that once belonged in a community of a strong, deeply routed tree. Recently our colors have been changing. We are wrinkling, withering. But there is beauty in the breaking. We are maturing. We are turning a richer color and composting to nourish our roots and strengthen the existing tree. What we are going through is truly just a cycle.

It is tempting on these cold, dark, bitter days to revert to old comforts. I have found myself falling, if you will, back to old coping mechanisms. Hiding behind over sized sweats, filling up on diet soda, water, fiber cereals carefully divided in to portions that will last the whole day.

In this time of transition it is increasingly important to keep your anchors with you: friends, family, doctors, support systems. The easiest way to deal with the day to day grind for me is to find small bits of pleasure throughout my day. Hold the door for someone, exchange a smile with a baby on the street, have a daily conversation with my mom on the phone, write, read, yoga, prayer.

It may be fall, but it doesn't mean you can't fall gracefully.